As a child, I watched adults argue.
From the floor, I looked up at them and couldn’t understand why they were fighting. To me, they were both right! I couldn’t grasp why they treated each other so harshly. My mother was always angry with my father, and I didn’t understand that either. Sure, he often looked upset, but he wasn’t a bad man. I couldn’t reconcile the two of them. One was my anchor, and the other made me afraid. But with neither was there a real connection.
Turkey
I was born in Turkey and moved to the Netherlands when I was 11. After that, I understood even less why people from a different culture were seen as difficult or problematic. What was valued in one culture could be viewed as irresponsible in another. A way of interacting I had learned as loving could lead to disconnection because it infringed on someone else’s autonomy. Once again, there was no connection.
Worlds apart
Yes, the worlds I inhabited were different—that much was clear. What I had learned at home didn’t work in the Netherlands. But why that was a problem remained a mystery. It took me 30 years to understand the Dutch society and the human codes that are common here. Understanding was one thing; making it my own was another.
Connection
Connection became my path. Building bridges, developing concepts, making different worlds visible to one another, writing about diversity, stepping out of my comfort zone, seeking discomfort and confusion, trading security and stability for insecurity and solitude. I developed concepts and tools to connect cultures and people. But finding connection with myself took the longest. It was the most painful yet most rewarding journey, filled with detours like Red Riding Hood, with strength and chaos like Pippi Longstocking, and at times hiding myself like Snow White with the seven dwarves.
A fascinating journey
The stars were aligned, and I found myself at Bodymind Opleidingen. That’s where the process of embracing individualistic values and norms began! It was a fascinating journey that ultimately brought me back to myself. One of the layers I uncovered within myself was the beauty hidden in my collective culture. It turned out to be an essential part of who I am. Masks crumbled, and blocks disappeared.
The answer
Moved and wondering what I could do with my renewed physical and emotional energy, the answer came: starting my own practice for body-oriented therapy and coaching!
I now live in Amsterdam with my husband and daughter.
See also www.jalesimsek.nl.